That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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