Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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