i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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