Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
