clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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