Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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