the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i came on her dog
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
