Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
