if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
