God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
