she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
