Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
