just tell him i said nine months
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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