your thong is hanging out like whoa
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
