i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
