I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I pour the whiskey from now on
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
