One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
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sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
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My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.