i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?