We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?