I want to stick my p in your. b.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.