I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
