Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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