Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records