Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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