i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
