I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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