Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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