I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
