who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
