Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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