It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize