Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
