I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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