Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I think my fart just growled at me.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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