im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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