I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
