Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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