I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
