I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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