Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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