Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
