party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
