The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
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The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
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Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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