i was born a porn star she said
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
