my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
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I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
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I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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