Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
