Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
