I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Randomize
