and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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