If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Randomize
