You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
