return my video game
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
