You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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