Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
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Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking