Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.