Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.