Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?