My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
