I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I think your dad took our porno
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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