I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
