I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
