Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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