Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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