Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just gift wrapped bread.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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