from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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