We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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