i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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