Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
