i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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