I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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